Teach The Children Well

My sister’s daughters, Olivia (9) and Charlotte (7), are getting older. They’re starting to get “cool.” And they’re starting to discover music.

Olivia

But what should be a wonderful time of discovery in any young person’s life is getting muddied by the abundance of pure filth out there. It’s horrible. They’re rocking out to Rihanna, Fergie and Alicia Keys. These are kind of okay. But then — oh, it’s so bad — there’s the likes of Hillary Duff, the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus.

I can’t have them listening to this crap!

When I was wee, my brother and sister were teenagers. So I grew up watching Yo! MTV Raps, listening to Neil Young, and practicing the Moonwalk. Having been given a solid foundation, I’ve been able to steer clear of the *NSYNCs and Blink 182s of the world, for the most part.

Olivia and Charlotte, unfortunately, don’t have cool older siblings to guide them. They just have each other.

This is where Aunt Mary comes in!

For Christmas, I’m making each of them a mix. Pulling from my collection of soul classics, 80s throwaways and new-fangled, under-the-radar jams, I’m hoping to build in each of them a basic understanding of rock, as well as a solid grasp on the fact that rock isn’t dead.

The idea is to give them 20-odd songs each, plus a $25 iTunes gift card, so they can go off and discover even more good stuff. No crap allowed!

Charlotte

But this is a tricky endeavor. As much as I’d love to include, say, Anthems for a 17-Year-Old Girl by Broken Social Scene — a rather P.C. song beloved by girls everywhere — I can’t have my nieces discovering other BSS songs like I’m Still Your Fag and Handjobs for the Holidays.

And while I’d like to include such a great song as Heartbeats by The Knife, songs about weekend-long trysts simply won’t do. That said, the entire Liz Phair catalogue is out.

But anything’s got to be better than Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis, a Top 40 hit that 7-year-old Charlotte knows by heart. Sample lyric: “You cut me open and I keep bleeding love.” How is that appropriate?

So here’s my list (with tremendous help from Rawle) so far (and some of these are obvious, but remember, we’re starting at zero here):

• Moby Octopad, Yo La Tengo
• From the Morning, Nick Drake
• Wild Wild Life, Talking Heads
• I’m a Rocker, Bruce Springsteen
• Maps, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• Starlight No. 1, Mojave 3
• Lonely Teardrops, Jackie Wilson
• Amsterdam, Peter Bjorn and John
• Teen Angst, M83
• Little Wing, Jimi Hendrix
• Listen to the Band, The Monkees
• Way Over Yonder in the Minor Key, Billy Bragg and Wilco
• Wildflowers, Tom Petty
• 14 Forever, Stars
• Islands, Cat Power
• Any Other Way, William Bell
• Deep Red Bells, Neko Case
• Bron-Y-Aur Stomp, Led Zeppelin
• Back in Your Head, Tegan and Sara
• Chinese Translation, M. Ward
• The Laws Have Changed, The New Pornographers
• Heroes, David Bowie
• Waiting in Vain, Bob Marley
• Velouria, The Pixies
• Something So Strong, Crowded House
• Boys Don’t Cry, The Cure
• Mushaboom, Feist
• Trapped, Jimmy Cliff

I could go on and on. Few things are more gratifying than passing on music you love to the uninitiated — I just hope this shit gets listened to.

And if you have any suggestions, by all means drop me a line!