I love Lesley, and Lamp

A special conversation with Lesley, who is my favorite

Lesley: I am going on south beach, am doing well today except whatever sauces were in my salad today
me: me too i think. i had fruit for breakfast and a salad for lunch
but tonight i am having indian and wine. so there, as they say, goes that
Lesley: owww indian
me: owww? yousa weirdo
Lesley: oooooops, i mean does it matter how you spell like noise expressions
me: what?????? like onomatopoeia?
(are you impressed that i spelled that correctly?)
Lesley: well then what does it mean
me: it means words that mean sounds, for instance, OINK or BAM
words that ARE sounds, rather, and are defined by the sounds they make
Lesley: oink
me: right

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Dear Mama

Check out Postcards from Yo Mama for more. I love this shit. Special thnx to Eric Smith for recommending a great procrastination tool.

Something about getting a written exchange from your Mom, especially in digital form, is kind of like seeing her throw a baseball for the first time – and she rocks. Her throws are speedy and sharp, and she spits on the ground and shouts “Two down!” to the outfielders afterwards. You stand there shocked, thinking “What the hell is she doing? Why is she throwing baseballs? And (horror of horrors) is she actually better than me?” Ultimately, it’s quite endearing, and you’re both proud of Mom and afraid her throws will sting your hand.

Take my own mother, the esteemed Ann Louise.  It takes her 45 minutes to write a 2 paragraph email – she thinks it’s amazing how fast I can type. But she’s also got to be the wittiest, wryest woman I know. I submitted two Moms emails last week, the first re: when the dog died, and the second re: France and mountains. And here’s another snippet from the digital land of Mom:

Aunt Elsje is now on the same bowling team as I…we should be formidable?!? Is this the right word…I’d better check.

And another:

You sounded so quiet on the phone; I thought something was up or askew. Love, Momma. So, how about those Redskins, huh? What a trouncing. Ouch.

I love my Moms. Email-wise, she’s a cool Jimmy Rollins.

This Weekend: Cool Your Jets!

It’s Friday-like! My weekend should be one for the ages, including a Phillies game, a day trip to Delwur, some shopping with Moms, a literary magazine party (mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm), a lacrosse game, softball practice and some miscellaneously riotous fun.

But! As I prepare myself for my desk vacation, I need to say. Kids! Don’t lose your heads over the next few days. Don’t stick things in your arms. Don’t lose your woes to the bottle. Don’t call up that man-hussy who dumped you via text message. Just don’t. Be the person your dog thinks you are.

I think I’ll leave it up to lacrosse legend / meathead de luxe Gary Gait to drive the point home. Until Monday, fare thee well!